Sneakers in a knot

Sooo...I've discovered something. I love going to the gym. I love sitting down at the machines, working muscles that I wasn't even aware that I had. And when it gets so hard that I don't think I can do one more rep? I do two, and I feel amazing for going past my limit. The end of a workout, when I am sweaty and disgusting, lets me know that I made progress that day, and I look forward to doing it again the next session. I push myself farther than I ever thought I could. And my trainer is amazing. Even if I am discouraged with myself, he makes sure I know that he's proud of what I accomplished. There's no way I could stay this motivated if he wasn't around to remind me what I'm in it for.

That being said, did you know? The more calories you burn, the more hungry you get. I've heard of it, but dang! I had no clue what a clawing, ravenous monster the new hunger was going to be. All I can think of is food lately. I dream of it, look forward to the next socially acceptable meal time, and I get frustrated when I can't have it all. And that's a problem, because if I can't control my eating, it won't matter how many miles I log on a treadmill, I won't make progress on a scale. So there is still work to be done.

I face challenges, and I knew going in to this that it wasn't going to be easy. I WILL keep working at it, I WILL keep moving forward, one pound at a time. I've noticed that, even when I'm not at the gym, I feel stronger, more confident, and way more open about my thoughts on my journey. I know a lot of people that have gone the surgery route, and the TLC shows on My (whatever the number may be) Pound Life make it look both super hard, yet crazy easy to take off the weight, but I have to do what works for me. I don't discredit the work people do that go that route, but for me it isn't an option, so I can't expect to lose 30 to 50 pounds a month. But we will see what happens as we go.

Much love, sweat, and calories burned to everyone on this journey, too! May the treadmill and protein shakes be with you.

Current weight: three sixy two (sorry, my laptop keys are bugging out on me.)

The Sneakers Are On

Well, here we are. Day 1. Let me preface this whole experience by saying: The decision to change your life isn't a hard thing to do. It's the follow thru. I've made a dozen or so attempts to begin a healthy lifestyle, but this is the first time I've taken it upon myself to blog and team up with a trainer and a group to keep me going.
I will love, it, I will hate it, I will whine and cry about it, but in the end, I will keep going. Some days will be deep, soul searching days, and other days will be freaking hilarious. I am allowed to laugh at myself, and call myself names, just so long as it doesn't keep me from my goals. My boyfriend's brother=in=law gets upset when I call myself fat, but let's face it, I've seen myself in a mirror. The difference these days is not my size, but the way I feel about myself. Sam has made me feel beautiful, sexy, and desirable, just the way I am. And I love him for it. But the shallow girl in me wants to sit on his lap without crushing him, or sit in a normal lawn chair without being terrified that it's going to collapse, or climb the pool ladder without knowing deep in my gut that one of these days, I'm going to break the damn thing. Things have weight limits, and I am well over most of them.The real reasons behind me wanting and needing this is pretty straight forward. I can see myself having a family with him, but it is dangerous for both me and a baby to be pregnant when i'm over 350 pounds on a good day. There's just no way either one of us would survive. And there it is...that big ugly number. I am over 370 pounds, within sniffing distance of 400 pounds, and it is humiliating. I know damn good and well that Sam will still love me if he knew, but I would be stupid to kid myself into thinking it wouldn't change the way he looks at me just a little bit.So, the journey...begins NOW.


Starting weight: 374 pounds
Goal weight: 175 pounds.
Here we go!!!